I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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