i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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