You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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