she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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