This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
