You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
