Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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