I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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