I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
