Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
