I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
