yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
