i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
