Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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