Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize