Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
