Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
