I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
