He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
