Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
