I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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