how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
