i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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