i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
