Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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