so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
