I am in a vortex of obligation.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
