quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize