Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
