I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
