im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
