It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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