i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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