He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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