The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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