Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
