you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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