She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
