someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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