Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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