Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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