Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
