I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
