That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
