I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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