DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
