And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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