tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
