went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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