did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
