I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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