just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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