my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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