Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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