I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize