Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
