i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
