I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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