i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
