Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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