I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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