I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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