I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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