I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
