would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
