did you get engaged???
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
