So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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