Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Boobs are out for the taking
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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