Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
