i would punch a child for taco bell
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
