If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
