Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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