new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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